PACKING!!

YAY I WILL BE HOME FOR A MONTH SOON AND ALSO IT'S SARAH'S BIRTHDAY TODAY AND SHE'S TURNING TWENTY-ONE SO I'M GLAD SHE IS DONE WITH FINALS TODAY AND DOESN'T HAVE ANY TOMORROW AT EIGHT AM AND ALSO I WILL SEE HER IN LIKE THREE DAYS WHICH IS GREAT AND WE WILL GO TO OLIVE GARDEN AND GET ENDLESS SALAS AND CHELSEA WILL BE THERE AND HOPEFULLY LITTLE SARA TOO!

excited Michelle = loud with a tendency for run-on sentences

I'm really not sure what has driven me to start eating green beans for breakfast. Either some sort of cosmic force or the fact that I'm not getting enough of whatever vitamin/mineral green beans contain. Probably both.
Also, I like green beans. It's an excellent way to start the day, and a wonderful break from oatmeal.

I just need to get through Therapeutic Exercises, work at the bookstore for 4 hours, the men's soccer dinner (I know it's at 8:30 tonight, but WHERE is the question), and physics. Then it's home free.

2 days

I've graduated from making posters to hang on my walls to making posters for my friends to hang on their walls. I don't know why he seemed so impressed with it, all I do is grab like 7 posters that we have sitting in the union of various teams and color on the back with markers.
I guess if it makes your walls less boring it works.

In approximately two hours I will be done with religion class forever. How wonderful!

Post # 325

I like candles. Especially these two, which both smell of Bath and Body's Warm Vanilla Sugar, which is possibly the best scent ever. Well, best scent from B&BW anyway. I think the best scent ever has to go to the way Drew smells right after he gets out of the shower. That mix of soap and deodorant and his cologne is just wonderful. I smelled someone who smelled like Drew in the library the other day. He walked by and I got a whiff of the air the swirled by and I was like *BUHGUHWHATISTHATWHOISTHATDUUHHHHH* while my head reeled and I did a double/triple/big-eyes-look-around-while-swaying-back-and-forth-thing.
But I digress.
The point of lighting candles is also that I have to pay for my electricity, so I find it very efficient to only leave the lamp on my desk on most of the time and just have a candle sitting on my dresser and one of my night stand.

It was very cold today.
The kind of cold where you go outside and think, "Ok, this is not comfortable but I only have 4 blocks to walk and I am sufficiently layered." Then the wind blows and hits your exposed face and ears and you start to think you would SELL YOUR VITAL ORGANS IF THAT WOULD MAKE THE WIND STOP.
Seriously. Fuck the wind. Have you ever heard anyone say their favorite weather is windy? No, you have not.

Remember at the beginning of the year when I mentioned I liked working at the bookstore cause it was simple and monotonous and I didn't have to think about it? I'm there again for a few days, this time I'm helping receive shipments of books for next semester and check them into the system and put them on the shelves.
AND I HATE EVERY SECOND OF IT.
I think it's cause I spend so much time ENJOYING working with men's soccer and being in the training room in general. Once again I know what it's like to enjoy a job and so it's overwhelmingly horrid when I'm stuck somewhere I don't want to be, knowing that THERE IS SOMETHING BETTER OUT THERE FOR ME.
But I'll make about $75 which will help pay for Christmas gifts this year.

Speaking of money, within the last five days I:
Paid rent for December and Janurary
Bought Drew's Christmas gift
Bought Drew's gift for our Anniversary (four years, wow!)
Bought some "I <3 MU Athletic Training" shirts (they're supposed to be like the I love NY ones)
So when I checked my bank account to make sure my rent check got cashed (and have documentation for it if they try to make me pay for January) it was kind of sad to see the balance over a thousand dollars less than it was a week ago. And it's not like the money isn't in there, it is. It's not like if it didn't all leave at once, the same amount wouldn't have been taken out over the next two months if I was here to give them a check for January rent. It's not like I don't expect to have anymore than $500 to my name by the time the school year is over and am planning on building the balance back up next summer. Cause all the money in there is for rent, and I will make money for next year's rent over the summer. That's how my finance works right now.
But man, that's a lot of money to have gone in less than a week.
On the plus side, I've been covering a bunch of youth club soccer games that are being played at Marquette (inside, don't worry!) every Saturday. One of our assistant coaches is the coach for one of these teams, so he asked us students if we wanted to work them. I was the only person to say yes, so there you go. I sit and do homework or read all day on Saturday and every now and then give a kid some ice and tell him that nothing is broken. The check I get from that will come in February after the league is over and it should be for about $800 or so. Which is quite a bit of money for me right now.

I called Hand and Ortho two weeks ago to remind my supervisor the days I'll be home for Christmas, and asked if he could please put out a memo for all the other aides saying I'm looking for hours if anyone needs days covered. So far I've heard nothing. I wasn't expecting to be working everyday, but I was hoping to get at least a few hours there.
I'm still haven't decided if I want to call Smiths or not. In theory, I'm still on pay roll and could work over Christmas... And yeah, if I worked 20 hours a week the three weeks I'm home that would be over a month's worth of rent. But... I just really don't want to. I don't know why either. I don't HATE working there, I generally get along with everyone and it would give me something to do.
But the line of "Worth it" money wise is a very fine line. Or is it? I guess the 12-16 hours a week I put in over the summer wasn't bad really. Maybe I will call tomorrow, just to make sure I really am still on payroll and don't have to go through the whole application thing again.
Uhhhhggggg... I can't think right now. My brain is mush from trying to drain out Human Physiology (which I rocked [hopefully] this morning) and make room for religion.

I don't even know.
I'm sleepy. Maybe I'll take a nap then get up and study some more and feel better about the world.

4 days

Lita came over tonight, I made spaghetti for dinner, and then we made peanut butter bars. Half of them are currently hiding in my freezer and it is taking all of my willpower not to eat all of them at once.
It was a nice break from human physiology, but now it's back to studying.

It's raining, which means it's not cold enough to snow. On some level, I feel this should make me happy. However, I'm just pissed off that it's raining and my pant hems got wet walking back from youth soccer.
Oh, and pounding down the hot chocolate. I definitely shouldn't leave chocolate out of my diet like I did for this whole semester. There is no point.

Yesterday I had my End of the Season meeting with Lauren, where she just went over what she wrote on my personal evaluation that she gives to... I dunno actually. Probably Chris Geiser, who's the program director.
ANYWAY!
I was a bit worried that she was going to chew me out for being shy and not always jumping in with the small talk. Quite the contrary! She said she was very impressed with how far I had come since the beginning of the semester and especially from last spring. That she knew I didn't have the same personality as the other junior AT students who were assigned to soccer, and the fact that I tend to assess situations and figure out who the strong personalities in a group are in order to find my place is perfectly acceptable. So what if I can't take on a few of the guys who are loud and frighteningly inappropriate? Lauren commented on how well I work one-on-one with people, especially the two guys I've been doing rehab with 4 times a week for the past month, and how that's going to suit me wonderfully when I am a PT.
She told me that my knowledge of athletic training for were I am in school is right were it should be, if not slightly above the curve. All I have to do is gain confidence in my eval skills and know that 9 times out of 10, what I think is wrong with someone IS INDEED what is wrong. I also need to remember to always do my evals in a specific order: 1) What Happened, 2) Where does it hurt?, 3) Does it hurt if I poke you right here?, 4) Motion and Strength, 5)S pecial Tests, 5) Conclusion.
She said she is fully comfortable leaving me in charge of the training room and people's rehabs if she has to step out for 10 minutes or an hour. And that next year when I'm on Track/Tennis for the first half of the semester she'll let me do evals AND COME UP WITH REHAB PLANS on my own!!
Lauren said above all though, she was very impressed with my maturity and professionalism in the Athletic Training room, especially when it came to working with an all male team. She said I am one of the few girl's she's worked with who's been able to strike the perfect balance of getting to know the guys, being able to talk to them and have fun with them; yet still knowing my place and their place in the AT-athlete relationship, not give into wanting the attention, not letting them flirt with me, very importantly not flirting back; and at the end of the day be able to do soft-tissue mobilization (think deep tissue massage) on someone's groin and hip flexor, then fist pound them on the way out. She said she LOVES being able to tell the program directors that the female AT students manage to find the line and walk that line with perfect balance without once falling to either side like I did. Most of the time gender isn't brought up unless it's an issue, she loves being able to bring it up in a positive way.
She said that I was going to be great at what I do someday.

And I was just like ... WOW! Lauren is one of the people I look up to most in this world! To hear her say nothing but good things means so much to me!!

6 days.

This is a REAL LIVE PINE TREE sitting in the foyer of the library. It smells wonderful and makes me happy.

Today I woke up to my alarm (obviously) which is set to the radio, to hear "There's a stand-off between police and a man in a stolen SUV on about 19th and Cylborn near the Marquette Interchange." Usually I have the radio on long enough to figure out if they are playing music or talking, then turn it off and wonder why no stations actually play songs in the morning. But this morning the words "19th and Cylborn" and "Marquette" caught my ear. For you see, that is one whole block from my apartment, although thankfully not on the route I take to class in the morning. However, the thought did cross my mind to email my religion teacher, and tell him I wont be in class to hand in my term paper because I am afraid of BEING HIT BY A STRAY BULLET FROM THE POLICE STAND OFF THAT IS OUTSIDE MY HOUSE.
I've met people from other parts of Wisconsin who describe Milwaukee as "The biggest Shit-Hole there is," and personally I think that they are correct about that one.

But I went to class, and now I am done with religion (save for my final) FOREVER. Most ironically, I got the crazy urge to go to church today while in the cafe in Straz Hall, drinking my friday coffee (I'm only allowed coffee on Friday when it's only a dollar) and researching Residency cites.
Looks like I'm either going to be in/within two hours of Los Angeles, in Portland, in Seattle, or in bum-fuck nowhere Oregon/Colorado.
I really shouldn't be worried about my residency yet, I don't have to apply for another 3 years or so. I should probably be thinking about where I really want to go for my internships, which are still just under two years away. I wonder if my DPT classmates are also this neurotic about these things. I know some of them have to be. Right?

In a week: Date Night at Temple Square!

I think I might be starting to panic over my finals next week. I think it might just be all the caffeine I've had today, which is about 5x as much as usual.
I've also been a vegetarian for the past two days because I'm trying to make sure I don't accumulate leftovers that will still be around next week when it's time for me to go home.... I'm also just being really lazy and eating lots of beans/rice and Mac n' Cheese. There's no way I could ever be a real vegetarian, not having meat is really lame.

It's snowing again. Ahh.... fuck.
All of a sudden on December 1st, it decided it should be winter here. Which just means it's cold, cold, and more cold. Today it feels like 13*F outside. Which, considering my freshmen year, when we had windchills in the -20's regularly, is not THAT cold. But my winter boots finally died last year, so I've been trekking around in my running shoes. (which I don't even feel bad about cause I don't do that much running these days, and I'm getting new running shoes in a week when I go home). The problem with running shoes is that they are designed for you to run in, for your feet to sweat in, and for your feet to be able to BREATH in. Their meshy outside is not doing much to keep my toes warm right now. I could wear my rain boots and just wear warm socks to get the same effect, oh but wait, there is a hole in the back of one and so snow and salt and cold can get in away. Then I have wet socks and little salt rocks are poking my feet with every step.
The logical thing to do would be to just go get some new boots. But that would involve getting to a store, which I cannot do without a car, and I really don't have time to spend 40 minutes both ways to the mall to spend money I don't have. Plus, my mom has already gotten me new boots for Christmas, which I'm sure I wont like and will end up exchanging or returning anyway, but the point is I wont have to pay for them.

AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS THAT IN ONE WEEK MY PLANE WILL HAVE JUST LEFT THE GROUND.

Last night I had a dream I was flying home and got routed through an airport on some island somewhere that was SO SMALL that the only other thing on the island was a hotel. All flights to and from the island were connecting flights, so you could leave the airport and wander around and come back and not have to go threw security again.
Cause, you know, I have dreams about normal things like that.

Also! I finally got my football rotation! I'll be at Homestead High School with my good friend Nichole, and we will be working under a girl named Molly, who graduated from the Marquette AT program last year. I'm really excited!
The only problem is that Homestead is actually kind of far away. Like an hour on the bus both ways kind of far away. I checked google maps when I got the email, and I'm supposed to take the #12 bus forever, then EITHER DRIVE OR TAKE A TAXI (thanks google maps) to the school. Umm... if I had the ability to drive after getting off the bus, I would not have to take the bus in the first place! Next fall this wont be an issue, because Nichole has a car, and I will just ride with her on the days we go. However, next spring, Nichole will be going to Homestead before Spring Break and I will be going after. How am I going to get there? I don't know.
On Sunday I'm going down to UWM because apparently they are having a bike-swap-sale-something-that-Chris-my-advisor-and-Ther.EX-teacher-mentioned-in-class-today. So maybe I'll be getting a cheap old retro bike, which would be nice, but I don't know where I would put it in my apartment. They do have secure bike storage in the Parking Structures. I'm sure it's outrageously expensive to get though.
I dunno. I'll be an adult and figure something out I guess.

Now for a nap.

It's been awhile since I took a picture of something other than stuff, so here is a nice scenic post for you. This is what I see as I leave David Straz -College of Business- Hall every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 9:50 on my way to Human Physiology after 8am Religion and sitting in the cafe for an hour wasting time and thinking "I could so be working on -this- right now."

The men's soccer dinner is next Wednesday. Us student ATs were invited, so I'm hoping it starts sometime after I leave work at the bookstore at 6. Should be fun.

Well that picture turned out much better than I thought it would. In my Therapeutic Exercises class we all had to pick an injury we had encountered in the Athletic Training Room and go through the entire rehab process - from eval to return to play. I chose an Avulsion Fracture of the Inferior Pubic Rami via the Adductor Longus. Or, for your non-biology minded people, you done pulled your groin so hard you done broke your sittin' bone.
So here you see me using my laptop to have my project guidelines up, as well as the actual paper and using a library PC to find published articles on the subject. It is at this time when I really wish I had the double-monitor computer like I did when I worked with my dad's company that one summer; where I could move my mouse seamlessly between screens...
Ahem.
I'm almost done with the project though, and I'm currently looking at 11 pages. I present to my class tomorrow, turn in the paper on Thursday; and then I can worry about finishing my Religion paper. Ugh.

I also wish this headache (the kind that makes it feel like you are being STABBED WITH A SCREWDRIVER EVERY TIME YOU MOVE YOUR HEAD) would go away.

Over the past four or so years my attraction to the Catholic religion as a whole has been fading away. They promote things I don't believe in and tell me I'm going to hell for things I don't think are wrong.
But I still won't eat meat on Fridays during lent.
I pray with my family before dinner when I'm home.
I go to church and *try* to pay attention when my mom asks me to go.
And the realization that I might not be able to find a Catholic priest who will preside over my wedding in a Catholic church is terrifying to me. A Catholic wedding is something that I've had a doubt about, and anything else, to me, just seems like it would lack something. Some blessing from an authority higher than the Justice of the Peace or the little slip of paper that says I am married or the ring on my finger. I could walk up to any couple on the street and say "Oh hey, you're married, move your ring to the other finger, here's a certificate I made in MS PAINT for you. Cheers." And it wouldn't mean anything. That couple wouldn't be married.
Plus, Catholic Churches as so pretty.

I'm also getting my children baptized, their First Holy Communion, and Confirmed. When they are 18, they can make their own choices about religion. It's the route my parents took with my brother and I, and I think it worked out ok.

My tea is pink!
Lipton's Pomegranate-Cherry Green Tea. Yum.

All I want to do on Sunday is cook things. I get the feeling the cornbread in the oven isn't going to turn out. My oven is so old there is no indication of when it's done pre-heating, and I forgot to PAM the dish before I put the batter in it. Oh well, if my cornbread turns out falling apart and ugly I'm sure it will still taste ok.

Good News: I don't have rheumatoid arthritis. My blood work came back either negative for the factors or within normal levels.
Bad News: We have no idea what's wrong with me. Could be a genetic thing, could be fibromyalgia, could be related to myofascial tightness, could be left over from a virus I had when I was a baby, could be my thyroid. Could be a whole host of things that require really expensive blood work to find, and when a doctor does find it, they say, "well, that sucks, there's really no cure for that."
For now I'm just paying attention, rather than trying to ignore it. I'm keeping a journal about when the pain happens, what I was doing, and what I did the previous day. I'm keeping a food log to see if I'm secretly allergic to something and don't know it. If things get worse, like, way worse, I go back and tell Dr. Grove about it. If things stay how they are, then that's that. I figure no one knew this about me before I said anything, no one would have known had I not mentioned it, and if I had no problem dealing with it then, I will have no problem doing what I've done for the past 20 and a half years: Nothing.
I'm certainly not going to chase after an answer about this for years and let it consume my life.

I'm sick and pissed off about it.
I think I'll just stay in my hood forever, or at least until I feel better.
So glad I have nothing to do tomorrow.
I'm going to sleep until I damn well please getting up.

J-E-L-L-O

it's alive!

Remember those commercials? I do.

Also, PHOTOBOMB BY BEANS AND RICE!

I'm sick. My throat hurts and I can sense the upcoming doom mucus that's going to gather in my lungs and give me one of those outrageously sexy coughs.
I really don't have time for this right now. I'm tired all the time. I'm supposed to be studying and writing papers and making presentations and studying more and treating athletes and all I want to do is sleep.

I got one of Jillian Michaels' workout videos from Netflix. I was rather unimpressed with her form, don't feel like I got a work out, and was only reminded that I'm white and can't jump. But my next DVD is a yoga session, so that should do me more good. I've always really liked Yoga.
Season four of Dexter was put on hold for some reason. It was taken out of my Queue and put in a Saved list with an "unknown" availability date. That's not ok Netflix. I need to know what is happening!

My blood work results came in yesterday. I had a copy of the results mailed to my mom so she could read them for me, and everything was either negative or at normal levels. So I don't have rheumatoid arthritis. I still have an appointment with Dr. Grove at 11:30. I've been feeling good lately so I'm starting to slide down the hill of "Oh whatever, it's not so bad. I'm making a big deal out of this and it's not." That's the problem really, I either feel fine or mildly uncomfortable. Only about once a month do I really feel like I would rather amputate limbs myself than sit there any longer.

I could really go for a bagel right now.

It's cold here now.
So you put layers on.
Simple, really.

I'm attempting to make some sort of bean-and-rice... thing. Only problem is I've ended up with about four times as many beans as I thought I would, and I'm not really sure what to do with them all.

I've decided that I am going to do a residency after I graduate to become specialized in Orthopedic Physical Therapy. Basically, it's another year of school with very detailed classed about skeletomuscular PT, mixed with working in a clinic. If I get into one of these programs, I'll get paid for my work and I wont be paying tuition. Seems like a good deal right? I certainly think so.
So do I want to spend a year in California (all over the state), Portland Oregon, Scottsdale Arizona, Steamboat Springs Colorado, or Orlando Florida?

Lulz ... what?
When did THIS happen?
durrrrrrrrrr..........

I like that I save $0.15 every time I go shopping JUST BECAUSE I have reusable bags.
Today was the first time I've done a full-on grocery shop (milk, fruit, eggs, bread, salsa, vegetables, rice, beans, tea) by myself; usually David and I go on Saturdays. Taking the bus with three full, heavy bags of groceries was not the funnest things I've ever done, but I'm glad to know that I CAN do it, if need be. Plus, it was worth like, 45 adult points.

Adult Points.
Over the past two and a half years I've been awarding myself them for certain things I do that would qualify me as an adult: doing my own laundry, living away from home, setting up my own doctor appointments, paying rent, cooking, figuring out how to get that stain out of my shirt, things of that nature. Yesterday I gave myself like 300 or so points when we were delayed so long in Salt Lake I missed my connecting flight in Minneapolis, and I DID NOT FREAK OUT, I just figured out who to talk to and how to get on the next flight.

I think the idea came from a point system we developed when my sister was very small. We were on a long car ride (for a two year old anyway) and my mom offered me 20 points to entertain her. Hurray points! Everyone wants points right? So my brother and I started giving my sister 5 points for not being annoying or giving points to each other for doing a favor. Eventually, we asked my mom what we were supposed to actually do with these points she arbitrarily started giving out one day. Her response? "I dunno. Trade them for new underwear and socks."
If there is one thing we love in my family, it's new fucking socks.
Thus the birth of points.
Random, I know.

Usually, I am adiment that there are NO CHRISTMAS SONGS until after Thanksgiving. However, I have decided that I must to dance to Stille Nacht with Drew at our wedding. Not the first song we dance to, that will be If I Ever Leave This World Alive, just after I finish dancing with my dad to Rod Stewart's Forever Young. I want this song to play towards the end of the night, when just about everyone has gone home except for our very best of friends.
And I don't care when we get married, whether it is May or December or October. I will make an exception for this song.
And that means a lot.

I want to make pulled pork again. It makes my house smell SO GOOD.

It's not Milwaukee I dread coming back to anymore. I just dread leaving Drew, who comes with an overwhelming feeling of rightness when I'm laying in his arms.
Being away from him is my regular life, my normal life. Which I can do, obviously, I've been doing it for the past three years. I know I can handle being away from him for the next four, probably five years (I've decided to do a residency after I graduate to specialize in orthopedics or sport rehab). I just don't like it.

Thanksgiving is over, so you know what that means?
Mannheim Steamroller's Christmas album.
On repeat in my apartment.
For the next three weeks.
Alright.

They have two versions of God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen on the CD, one right after the other, and it's BEAUTIFUL. The first is predominantly a light, airy piccolo; and the second is a synthesized, trumpeting, drumming loud thing.
I don't think I've ever heard a version of that song I don't like. Barenaked Ladies has a particularly wonderful version of it, which happens to be the only holiday I find acceptable to be played before Thanksgiving, it's that good.

I should have done more homework over break. I should have done A LOT more homework over break actually. I should do it now... But disk 4 of season 3 of Dexter was waiting in my mailbox for me.

Silent Night is another one of those songs I will always like almost any version of.
But I only like Christmas music without words, only instrumentals.

wanna go home...

I'm thinking that next Sunday is going to be a major grocery shopping day. Or I could continue to live off cans of green beans, soup, and pancakes; one of the two.

Nutrition is standing in the way of me going home tonight, I get the feeling I will be pouting the whole time and not paying any attention. Who holds class from 5-7pm anyway?
Marquette, apparently.

In 24 hours I will [hopefully] be on a plane, or at least in line to board the plane. Assuming the doom weather everyone is talking about doesn't get in the way. Right now there are blue skies and little wind, it better stay that way until tomorrow morning.
My biggest fear about flying to and from school is that I will get stuck in Minneapolis. At least if I get stuck in Milwaukee I have a place to go back to now. More than one place actually. Probably at least four.

I should be studying for Human Physiology.

Just after I had said I wanted my religion paper to write itself, I found THIS on one of our library's databases. I haven't read it yet, but Isaiah 65:17-25 is what I'm supposed to be writing my paper on, so it's a set in the right direction yes?
I figured out why it's so hard for me to write this paper right now: It's not due for another 3 weeks, and there are SO MANY OTHER THINGS I could be doing that would be a more productive use of my time. Like studying for my Human Physiology test, like studying for my Therapeutic Exercises practical next Thursday, like working on my Ther. Ex. project which is about pubic rami stress fractures, like studying for my physics quiz, like figuring out an Upper-Extremity case study for my Proficiencies class, like fucking ANYTHING ELSE BUT RESEARCHING THE PROPHETS IN THE ISRAELITE COMMUNITY FROM 500 BCE.

My religion paper just needs to write itself.

One of my soccer boys let me borrow a series he has from the Discovery Channel that is all about how the human body works when pushed to the extreme. There was an episode about strength, sensation (mostly that of pain), and brain power. So far I've liked brain power the most, it talked mostly about the survival instinct we have, the brain's WANT center (as in, "I want to live"), how the brain will release hormones that eat the heart to keep itself going, and sleep.
The general science behind it was pretty obvious to me, but I did learn a bunch of Fun Facts!

For example:
*In non-life threatening situations, your muscles will contract with about 1/3 the force they are actually capable of producing, even if you feel you are working at the maximum. This is because a muscle contracting at 100% of it's capability will shread itself and cause an avlusion fracture - which is when a muscle pulls so hard the bit of bone it is embedded into is pulled off the main bone.
*It takes over 200 muscles to walk, and it is one of the most complex motions the human body is capable of.
*There is over 54,000 MILES of blood vessels in your brain.
*Pain is not produced by an injury, all sensations of pain are produced in the brain, due to how the brain processes an injury. In life-threatening instances, the brain can completely shut down all sensation of pain if it thinks that consciously being aware of the pain will reduce your chance of survival.
*The brain has an input of about 100 TRILLION thoughts/signals per second. It is only while sleeping and there is no longer this constant input that your actually process it, which is one theory behind dreams.

I could go on...

OH!
And because I didn't buy groceries for the two days I will be here next week, my grocery bill was $0.06 this week. I has a coupon for a dollar off dish soap, which was already on sale for a dollar. Awesome.

We made a Gingerbread House and talked about our alter-egos.
What fun!

cold

Fuck you windchill.
I am aware that by Milwaukee standards, -9 degrees is not that much, but when it is the difference between above and below freezing, you notice.

blarg?

Dear Self,
Organize your shit.


I got mail from Jill today. That was nice.

oh genetics

When I would lay in bed crying as a child because my ankles hurt so bad, everyone thought it was because I was growing.
When I was in high school and the same exact aching, uncomfortable, pressure/pain started in my hips, I chalked it up to being a year-round athlete with no off season and having tight hip-flexors.
When my wrists started feeling tight and like they just needed to pop like a knuckle, I thought it was because of how much time I spent taking notes in school or typing on the computer. By this time, I had accepted that sometimes my hips and ankles hurt so bad I feel radiating pain all up and down my leg, I can't get comfortable, and sometimes I will still lie in bed at three AM crying and writhing around because it hurts so bad. I thought this was normal, and for me it was, I'd felt like this as long as I could remember.
When I felt pain creep deep into my shoulder joint I started to worry. I started talking to my professors who told me to monitor the pain, and control it with Ibuprofen when it got bad. I didn't take anything though. Taking enough pain killers to keep a pain at bay that shows up 3-4 times a week for the whole day is too many pills
When my elbow started to ache on Monday I knew something was wrong.

So I went to see Dr. Grove at Student Health, who, if you remember, is one of the team physicians for Marquette and is the one who looked at my knee last winter. I like the guy. :)
He asked questions, more questions, and tried to reproduce the pain. He was impressed with how my Glut Med strength has improved (which he told me to work on for my knee) and congratulated me on starting to swim instead of try to run everyday. He laughed at the complete and total lack of motion in my feet, and noted that I have good external rotation of my left hip but not the right.
He said that everything about my pain leads him to believe that I have rheumatoid arthritis, and I should get blood work done.

So here you see my prescription for a blood draw and one, two, three, four, five, six, SEVEN different tests to see how my white blood cells and immune factors are doing. I need to get a hold of my mom so she can make me an appointment while I'm home for Thanksgiving, because getting my blood drawn at home will be much cheaper than on campus.

Also, AJ Grove's first name is actually Andrew. That pushed the count of Andrews I know up to...nine.

Post 300

I like the short one in back.

Last night I went to the gym, as usual. I put my class ring and diamond ring in the locker with my keys and coat, like always. When I was done working out, my rings were gone. I thought to myself, "Maybe you took them off and left them on the bathroom counter," which is what I do when I remember to take them off before I leave. So I went home and tore apart my place, but obviously my rings were not there. I went back to the gym, asked the desk about Lost-and-Found, and was presented with my class ring. Ok. So now at least I know where my other ring SHOULD BE. They told to check back in the morning to see if my other ring turns up.
Sure the beautiful ring Drew gave me was gone forever I pouted at the library for two hours while pretending to study physics and drink tea. I went home, had a melt down over how stupid I was to lose that ring and then have someone steal it.

I went back to the rec this morning AND THEY HAD MY RING!

My faith in the human race has been restored slightly.

Now I can't decide if I'm never going to take my rings off again, or if I'm going to put them in a drawer in my bathroom where I keep the change I find and never wear them again.

I work out obsessively everyday because, sometimes, fried potato slices sound like a good idea for dinner.

Who has the best boyfriend ever?
*I* have the best boyfriend ever!

It's the little things that make me realize this; not the diamond necklace or the beautiful ring on my finger. But when he said "Well why don't you just change my Netflix to your address? Then you can finish watching Dexter," with no regard to the list he had built up for himself, THAT'S when I know it's love.

Dear Self,
For future reference, when the two people you make dinner for each bring over a bottle of wine and expect you to drink more than your share, because you are "so happy when you are drunk," make sure you do the dishes BEFORE your second glass of wine. If you don't do the dishes, you are so busy being told to "be happy" and being laughed at for the ridiculous smile on your face that you forget about the dishes in the sink. No one likes waking up to dirty dishes.

When the zombies come, I'm stealing this truck, and two people from the ROTC program who know how to shot well, and we are high-tailing it to Boots and Betty's house in Montana.

See you there!

Munch Munch Munch

I think this picture is sufficiently self-explanatory.

Well now. I certainly did not expect THAT to happen.
Sigh. And things had been going so well in the kitchen too. I guess this is what I get for bragging about my culinary skills lately.
Really, I should have known not to leave glass right next to an open-flame burner set on high. I should have thought about how letting the glass get that hot might cause all the bonds to store up so much energy they had no choice but to break.
I'll have to be more careful around glass from now on. I broke a cup two days ago while I was washing it (I think it cracked on the way here) and who knows what #3 is going to be. A window? My bathroom mirror?

...My veggie stir-fry turned out really good though ^.^

I made fajitas for dinner.
They were good.

I am content right now.
With everything.

Yesterday while I was realizing that I don't actually HAVE to put time and energy into finding things to be miserable about in Milwaukee I realized that it's pointless to be miserable about things at all. Sure, I can be sad sometimes, and that is ok. But there is no need to go out of my way to find things that makes me sad.
The moment I thought this, the part of me that is still 15 years old and angry and emo and angsty and a shithead; the part of me that I have been so desperately clinging onto for the past 5 years just... fell away.
There have been times since I got to college were I've looked in the mirror and been surprised at the adult looking back at me, but over the course of the week I've changed. I now look in the mirror and see a confident, intelligent, competent, young woman who is capable of living on her own. I know I'm not a full or real adult yet, nor will I consider myself one until I have graduated college, I have a career, and my parents are no longer paying my rent; but at the same time that no longer seems like a great huge long ways away. It seems like something that will be attained in the next few years and THAT DOES NOT SCARE ME ANY MORE.

I think everyone is going to like the new me.
She is so happy.

This picture was taken at 4:30pm.
That would be the sun, doing down, in the middle of the afternoon.
Being this far north of the equator does weird things to the sun. Like, even at noon, the sun isn't directly overhead, but it's it's off at like a 20* angle south. Which makes sense, really. I remember my brother's first two years in college while I was still in high school. He was up in Spokane, Washington and would complain about how early the sun would set. I didn't get it until I found myself on roughly the same longitude as he was.

Jill recently posted a blog about who made her life worth living, and it got me to thinking about how I would answer that. And I thought about it for a couple of days and this is what I came up with:
1) One of our post-surgery soccer guys. Every single time he is done with rehab, he'll walk over, look me in the eye, and say, "Michelle, thank you for your help today." It doesn't matter if I went though every single one of his exercises with him; did his joint mobilizations; watched his gait re-training; and just smiled as he cussed me out while I did soft-tissue mobilizations (read: very painful deep tissue massage to get rid of all the knots and scar tissue in his quads, IT band, hamstring, and groin) then apologized for his language and told me to listen to his actions, not his words when I was done. It doesn't matter if all I do is throw a bag of ice across the athletic training room at his face when he's doing with his rehab. He thanks me, sincerely, every day.

2) A freshmen this year who looks so much like Drew, but with brown hair, I can't help but hope our children look as adorable as him; and who I therefore have a intense maternal protective instinct for. Sometime in September, he walked into the training room, came to me, and asked if I could take a look at his ankle, which he rolled the previous day in practice. So I did an eval on his ankle, and it was simply a grade 1 ankle sprain (grade 1 = nothing torn, just some ligaments stretched). I explained everything that had happened, and that if we just tape it up he should be fine for practice, which I then did. For about two weeks, he would come into the training room, come straight to me, and let me know how his ankle was doing. He would tell me how awesome the tape job I did was (half regular athletic tape and half of a more flexible tape that most of the soccer team prefers to all athletic tape) and if any one else offered to tape his ankle, he would politely refuse and ask me to do it.

3) Another post-surgery knee guy. He comes into rehab every day smiling, and never complains about anything. He's always asking questions about his knee, his ankle, his hips, his cells, why scar tissue is building up, why there is still swelling, why his muscles have shrunk so much, how his PCL graft works because it was a cadaver-graft, how his body processes energy, how come he can't flex his knee more. And I love that he asks questions everyday. I love that he asks me why I'm doing Athletic Training and Physical Therapy, and asks what he, as an Exercise Science undergrad should go to Grad School for.

4) The freshmen who looked at me like I was a god after I helped them stretch out a tight groin/hamstring/calf/back/quad.

I'm so glad I got to work with Men's Soccer this year. It was such a good experience for me to realize that, Yes, Athletic Training and Physical Therapy ARE what I want to do for the rest of my life, and being able to help these guys brings me such a sense of joy and belonging.
I can't wait until this is my life. I get to do it almost every day now, but I have to time it around classes and my fellow ATS's schedules. How awesome will it be when I get to this on my own time, and not have to worry about the Physics test I have on Thursday? Very awesome. Oh, and they will pay me to do it, which is also pretty cool.

Did you know that Milwaukee is the most segregated city in the US?
Did you know that I've come to the conclusion that if I lived in the white, middle class part of the city, I would be happier?
Did you know, it's because my apartment would be nicer, the grocery store would have a better produce section, and I wouldn't worry about getting mugged while I waited for the bus at night?
Did you know that walking out of my building and seeing shit like this doesn't actually make me like the part of town I live in?


Why are all the nice Catholic/Private Universities in the bad part of town? Marquette is, Gonzaga is, Seattle University is.

Today the grocery bill only came to $17 so I decided to splurge and buy myself a treat.
Would ice cream have been better? Certainly.
However, the peanuts contain essential fatty acids, like Omaga-3, that I know I am not getting in my regular diet. Ice cream just contains fat.
And as I am going to Hawaii in less than two months I would like to wear a bikini to the beach. This is something I haven't felt confident enough with my body to do in the last 4 years or so. (which is surely ridiculous, I know). I just don't really like showing that much skin on my hips, that's all.

Maybe once I learn some self-control I can buy ice cream.

Last Saturday, I was at the grocery store, and the cheapest from of lettuce was collard greens. So, obviously, I bought that instead of regular roman lettuce.
Well, it turns out that collard greens just by themselves are really fucking gross.
But I'm not going to throw away food that isn't bad, and collard greens are supposed to be really good for you anyway. I let it sit in the bottom drawer of my fridge for a few days while I tried to figure out what to do with it.
Then I remembered Coach B telling us how much he liked cabbage soup, because he ate it all the time as "a lad." (Coach B is from England). But in America, we call English Cabbage COLLARD GREENS. I figured I could try to fly on my coat-tails again and make more delicious soup.

And I did! :)
Just cut up all the greens into big and small chunks, cut up some carrots, some onion, and put it all in a pot with some water. Added a pinch of salt and a sprinkle of pepper, generous amounts of garlic powder, threw in some chile powder and some dried basil. Let it boil until the greens were soft and and the carrots soft-ish.


Just for fun, collard greens go from a really cloudy green when raw to a really nice vibrant green when cooked.

I have a ten-page religion paper to write. I have no idea how I'm going to do this. I'm not worried about time, it's not due for three weeks, but how on earth am I going to come up with TEN PAGES OF RELIGION?!?

I went over to Lita's house tonight and made mini-muffins with her.
Then we ate every single one of them.

Then I went to a beginning hip-hop class with her. Now I can say I "Tried Something New" while in college; I took a dance class.
It just made me feel big, clumsy, awkward, inflexible, slow, and thick.
So while in college, I found I don't really like to dance, but I new that already.
Dancing with Drew would probably be a different story though.

Woo COLLEGE!

This is what I made myself for breakfast today. It was in an effort to use up the potatoes I have before they go bad and prove to myself that I'm not hungover.
Wait... hungover? That's right!

Today is my good friend Nichole's 21st birthday, so last night was the party at her house (for those of us who are not 21 yet) before she went out to the bar on campus. So I was there, obviously, and Nichole told me that for her birthday, she would like to see what I was like drunk.

And I thought the same thing.
And I thought about how I have class at 8am on Wednesday.
And I thought about how I like to follow the rules, and the rules are no drinking till you are 21.
And I thought about how Drew is uncomfortable with the idea of me drinking if he's not around to take care of me.
And I thought about talking to Drew about things I NEED to do while I'm in college, things I need to do now while I still can.
And I thought about my List of Things to do in College.
And I thought about how there is a time and place for everything, and it IS called college.
And I thought about how tired I am of being "the responsible one" ALL THE TIME.

And so I looked at Nicole and said, "I need a drink."

I learned how to take a shot, and we all learned that when you make jello shots, make sure the containers you put them in are not hard plastic. Hard plastic shot glasses are hard to get jello out of, and they break easily.
I met her roommate who goes to UWM, and I met all the boys her roommate brought to the party. I liked them, they kind of reminded me of my brother, Marl, Drew, Jonah, and Flight of the Concords all mixed together - but louder. One of them made me a delicious drink of Orange Juice and vodka, and another one of them did card magic tricks in the kitchen.

But the best part was that I knew four out of fifteen people there, and I didn't freak out. I didn't try to hid in Nichole's room the whole time, or sit in the corner and stare. I talked in weird accents with boys I didn't know, and then discussed our plans for the Zombie Apocalypse. I enjoyed myself. It was great!
It made Nichole happy that I was a smiley drunk, and that was the point of the whole thing, so that was good.

In retrospect, I probably should have drank slower, or not as much, or at least waited until I felt the first tequila shot (gotta toast the birthday girl at the beginning of the party!) before reaching for a jello shot, and then eating another when told "Drink!" by one of the UWM boys. (which was a game. You were handed a jello shot and told to get it all out of the plastic container without using your fingers or breaking it. Ready? Drink!)
David and I left the party around 11:30 and sat at my place waiting for him to be able to drive home and waiting for me to not be drunk enough to go to sleep and wake up with a hang over. I drank a Nalgene and a half of water, and we talked about how hot he thought Nichole looked in the dress she was wearing for the party. Then I crossed the line between tipsy and drunk, which was fine, cause I could still walk just fine, I was just really tired. He made me stay awake and keep drinking water and brush my teeth.
I don't care what Drew thinks. I'm glad David's here. We're friends.
I'd be happy for him if he was stuck in some other state but had Rachel to be friends with.

Then I finally got to go to sleep around 1 and it was the most glorious sleep ever. My head hit the pillow and I thought about how comfy my bed is, snuggled my face against my blanket and was OUT until my alarm went off this morning. That's the first time I've been able to sleep thought the whole night since getting here in August. I'm half tempted to do it again just so I'm not so fucking tired all the time (not really though).
This morning I was fine, other than the worst case cotton mouth I've ever had.


Oh, and there was cake! That was even better than the alcohol. It was chocolate and had cream-cheese based frosting, which is so much better than sugar-based frosting.
I like cake.
There was also limes. Which I did not eat with the cake, but I put like four wedges in my Corona then impressed everyone there when I got them back out afterwords so I could eat them. I do not waste limes.

Also, yay for not having to drive home. I'm glad I didn't have to worry about that, cause if I did, there would have been no booze consumed and I would have felt like a lame-ass like I always do at Drew's parties.

This is a lot of rice. It turned out slightly more mushy than I would have liked, but it's still rice, so whatever.

I'm tired of these constant, random aches and pains that have no apparent source.
I'm tired of being warm in my apartment and cold outside.
I'm tired of being tired.

Last night dinner was Pine Nut and Dried Tomato Crusted Salmon and some Pumpkin Squash Soup. The soup I made myself, which I'm pretty impressed with.

Pumpkin and Butternut Squash Soup
2lbs Butternut (or Acorn) Squash
1 16oz can pumpkin pie mix
1 12oz can condensed milk
1 cup skim milk
1/4 cup butter (or margarine)
1/8 cup peanut butter
Ginger
Nutmeg
Brown Sugar
Cinnamon

Half squash and cook until inside is very tender (about 1 hour at 350*). In large pot, combine squash, pumpkin mix, condensed milk, and skim milk. Heat through, but do not boil. Add butter and peanut butter, stir until both are melted and mixed in. Add generous amounts of Ginger, Nutmeg, Brown Sugar, and Cinnamon to taste preferance; salt can be added by personal preference.
Add water until you like the consistency.

I miss my Lacydog. :(
She attacked everyone's shoelaces when she was a puppy (not the shoe, just the laces) hence the name Lacy.
She was a Cocker Spaniel/Sheltie mix, which I'm sure would have qualified her as a "designer dog" these days, but 15 years ago she was a mutt, and we got her - shots and all - from a Cocker Spaniel breeder for $20.
So she was our clearance puppy, and she hated everyone except my mom.
She wouldn't let you touch her, unless she felt the need to be scratched somewhere.
When my brother and I were younger, it was Lacy's job to wake us up in the morning. My mom would tell her "It's time to wake up the kids," and she would come hauling into our rooms and jump on the bed, lick our face a few times, and then start snuffling her nose under the pillow and blankets.
Lacy loved the snow when she was young. She's go outside and stick her nose in it, root around for a while, then come back inside with a white face and little snowballs stuck to the fur on her legs.

By the time we put her down, she was so sick it would have been cruel to keep her alive. She has stopped eating, so we tried giving her wet puppy food, hoping it was just her teeth that hurt from a bone she had gotten a few days before. That worked for about a day. Then she was back to not eating, stumbling around and into things, and tremoring when she laid still. So my mom decided we were not going to let our dog starve to death and took her to the vet.

I know Lacy didn't really like me. I didn't really like her either. But we got that dog a few weeks before I turned 5, and I don't have any memory of what it's like to not have a dog. It is so weird walking into my house and not having her be there.


(That's not her btw. But I don't have a picture of Lacy on my computer and that one is pretty darn close to how she looked.)

St. Bernard/Mastiff Mix

I love this guy.
I love his lips especially.
I love the white splotch on his nose and his eyebrows and floppy ears.
I love that he'll be almost 200 pounds and taller than my waist as an adult.
I love the idea of the giant yard I would need to have for him to run around in. The kind of yard that starts flat, slopes down, and is flat again so I could put a garden in and plant trees at the bottom.
I love the idea of getting him when my youngest child is 10 years old, and having him be fiercely
protective of my family, yet be a cuddly teddy bear that would sleep on the floor next to my kids' beds.

But mostly I just love his lips.

Look at this thing.
It's a mix between a Shar-Pei and a basset hound.
I think he's adorable.
It would seem that I am entering a OMG CUTE PUPPY! phase, which I cycle through every 6 months or so. I really shouldn't be allowed on the internet when I'm in this kind of mindset, because then I find a website that lists just about every mix of two purebreed dogs you could think of, and has pictures of the result; like this wrinkly basset hound puppy. It's not as cute when it grows up though.

Yesterday I looked out my window and saw someone had put an old bookcase by the dumpster. I was excited, cause 1) Finding and stealing furniture someone threw out is one of those College Things I need to do, and 2) I need a bookshelf regardless.
I was so disappointed when I went down there to find it was not a bookshelf, but a dresser with the drawers missing.

Every now and then there will be free samples of something at the Rec Center. Once it was shampoo/conditioner, once it was men's deodorant, razors, tampons. Today it was Wheaties.
Which I've never had before.
Which are delicious.

LOOK AT THE DESTINATION!
LOOK AT IT!!!

:D :D :D :D

Also, I'm home for Thanksgiving in 28 days!
I had like a half-hour conversation with my dad last night and was in a good mood afterwords. I've always been closer/able to relate more to my dad than my mom, but THIRTY MINUTES is a long time to be talking in my family.

After talking with my Therapeutic Exercises professor today after class, I've learned that the reason my hips, ankles, and now wrists occasionally ache deep in the joint is due either to a mild form of rheumatoid arthritis or a sesitivity to barometric change in my synovial fluid (stuff that lubricates joints). Both are highly probable, as my grandmother had rheumatoid arthritis so bad all the bones in her wrists had fused together, and when the cold and warm fronts collided over the great lakes on Monday night (the weather here is fine, slightly windy) I was in so much pain I couldn't sleep.
So. The next time it happens I get to have blood work done to look at my white blood cell count and hopefully rule out arthritis. If it's here, I go to Student Health and see if it's covered under my free stuff for students. If it's at home (which I'm hoping it is, triggered by altitude or something) I'll just have my mom draw my blood in the kitchen and take it to work. She'll be so excited. She's wanted to draw someone's blood at home ever since they let her take a travel-kit home; it's in the bottom drawer with the phone books. I certainly trust my mom with drawing my blood more than anyone else.

And boo on physics.

So I have this... squash. I baked it today between classes, and (as a surprise to me!) it turned into a spaghetti like substance. Not what I was expecting, however, I am an adult now, I can cook things, I can adapt when things go awry.
Plus, I vaguely remember eating this kind of squash one time years ago. My brother wouldn't eat it.

ALSO!
I totally forgot what I was going to say...
Hmmm...

Oh. Our last soccer game is this Saturday. Well, as far as the regular season goes, the NCAA tournament starts the beginning of November. I know that in the first round of the play-offs, the high seeded school gets to stay home, and the lower seed team has to travel. I know our boys did better this year than they have in the last like, 10 years. Usually they just lose, but this year we won some and tied a lot - I tend to count ties as wins, even though that's not how it works. But I don't know if they did well enough to grant them the home-field advantage for the first couple of games. If we don't play at home for the first round, Saturday will be my last game. I'll still go in and do rehab with them, but... I can't believe soccer is over already!!
I kind of wish I could have been at their game last Saturday. Not because it was a good game (we lost 6-2) but because they came back with lots of things for me to work with injury wise. It would have been nice to be there to see everything first hand and deal with it in the acute situation. Apparently, so many guys went down, we had to put our back-up Goalie in the mid-field somewhere.

It's a very rainy very blegh kind of day today.

The Health Sciences career fair is tonight. I'm still debating about going. Almost all the companies that will be there are based out of the greater-Chicago area, and I'm just not interested in working for any company based in the Mid-West. There are a few national companies there, but they are all general physical therapy, which translates into generally old people. I am even less interested in old people than I am with the mid-west.

Drew's on his way to the airport, should be getting there about now.

My room feels big and empty. It's quiet without the beep-blooping of Mario on his PSP while I sit on my computer and work. Without him sneak-attack hugging me from behind while I try to make dinner (He liked everything I made. The domesticated wench in me was proud. The feminist in me wanted to punch the domesticated wench.)

We had a fairly intense conversation last night. About last summer and how much we argued, where we both are adult/maturity wise (not the same place) and how that changes the dynamics of our relationship compared to other people's, about what the next four years will be like and how we're going to handle me being here for 11 months straight between my 4th and 5th year. We talked about Christmas and the weird dreams we both had over the last few days. We talked about the kind of house we want (not too big, but with a massive backyard I can plant fruit trees in and grow a garden) and all the kids and pets we're going to fill that house with.