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Today I made an almost perfect over-easy egg for breakfast. The bottom may have been slightly burnt, but the yolk was still runny enough to dip a slice of toast in. Until now I had been having problems with the yolk, it always ended up being cooked too long and therefore was undipable.

Sometimes, I wish my shoulders weren't so broad and I did have pec muscles, or deltoids, or biceps. Sometimes I see what other girls on campus are wearing and wonder why I've never been able to fit into the cute things. For as long as I can remember, if I buy a nice-type shirt (a fabric other than cotton) it will either fit in the waist, or it will fit across the shoulders. Never both. Never. If I want a button down shirt that I have full motion of my arms with, the waist is baggy and simply looks too big. If I buy a shirt that is fitted to my waist, I can barely squeeze my arms into it, and buttoning it over my chest is laughable.
If I buy pants that fit over my butt and hips, you can bet there is a 2 to 3 inch gap between the waist of the pants and my body. I have no idea what it is like to have pants that fit in the waist, because if I were to get that size, I couldn't get them up past the middle of my thighs.
I've always been built like this. When I was little, I would get my pants from the boys section because that was the only way they would be long enough in the leg yet stay up. I will always be built like this. Whenever I go shopping with my mom we'll have me try on pair of pants after pair after pair and none of them fit right, and she reassures me that one day I will find the brand that fits my Schaff-built lower half.

But then I'll pull out my Slim-Cut Men's size Small cotton t-shirt I got last fall from working with Men's Soccer. And the seems on my shoulders will fall where they are supposed to, the shirt doesn't billow away from my sides but rather follows my ribs down to my waist, because it is a men's shirt there's not an awkward maybe/maybe not too short gap between the hem of my shirt and the waist of my pants. I'll pull on a sports bra that doesn't judge the fact that my boobs are not exactly the same size and not perfectly positioned on my chest like a regular bra does. I'll pull on an underarmor long sleeve shirt that stretches over my shoulders and hugs my torso perfectly.
And I feel sexier being an athlete than I ever have trying to be a girl.

Today is the fifth birthday that Drew has had while we have been dating.
Today is the fifth time that I cannot be with him.