Seasons

*Note: This entry is one giant bitch-fest. Please proceed with caution.

Autumn is slowly creeping up on Milwaukee as well. One day last week I walked out of my dorm and looked at the trees on Wisconsin Ave. and thought to myself, "When the fuck did this happen?! And why isn't anyone doing anything about it?!" Fall used to be my favorite month, for it meant football games, changing leaves, cute sweaters, Halloween, hot chocolate, Thanksgiving, and upcoming CHRISTMAS!! Since moving to Milwaukee however, Fall has taken a dive, losing only to winter, which I've found to be miserable in the Mid-West.

Now, as I get to read all my friend's excited posts about going to the State Fair (Not that I can be super jealous, as I've never been, so I don't even know if I would like it or not), their plans for Halloween and pumpkin carving, and the beauty of the crisp Utah air. For me, Fall brings a constant wetness to everything, they call it rain here, but the only thing that gets wet when you go outside is the bottoms of your pants, and the stuffy mustiness in the air, the lack of crunch in fallen leaves. It brings the necessity of wearing a bulky sweatshirt that seems to be in the way at ALL times. It brings the upcoming DOOM of winter.

And at the same time it's not like I can just give up Milwaukee and go home. I mean, I technically could drop out of college and do I-don't-know-what for the rest of my life, but that seems like an awfully big waste of the $36,000 we've put into my education thus far, not including the student loans (which luckily don't show up until 6 months after I graduate, perhaps I will just be a student forever). I choose to be here, and as miserable as I am sometimes, I only have to deal with this for 5 more years. If I drop out, I'll be disappointed in myself for the rest of my life.
It's just hard sometimes looking at all the pictures of midnight adventures, and Dennys runs, to hear of upcoming Vegas trips, California/Disneyland trips, and Haunted Forest plans, to miss out on EVERYTHING because I'm at school. I'm afraid no one's going to want to do these things by the time I'm done. Everyone's going to have kids and it's not like that is a bad thing, especially cause Drew and I are planning on getting married when I graduate, then waiting maybe a year before we start making people.

I'm just tired of missing out.
I'm mad that in the three years I've been with Drew for his birthday, I haven't been able to spend a single one with him, and it's going to be years before I get that chance.
I'm disappointed in myself for letting this bother me so much. It was my choice now I have to deal.
I'm sad I see my friends, family, and those I consider my new family less time out of the year than I do get to see them.

And I'm getting a cold. I did not agree to this. I've accepted I have a cold however, in hopes that I get knock it out before Friday.