banana!

Um, yeah. I play with my food.

Waiting

Turns out my mystery package was from Jill!! Of course, everyone probably new that except me, but that's how these kinds of things usually go. So Jill, thank you so much for the pens, note cards, bowling game, candy, and note! It made my whole week. Beyond that, it was full of things I actually NEED and will actually USE; which is unlike the packages my mom sends me, which are full of lemonaid mix, even though I have never in my 19.4 years liked lemonaid.



The weather today was perfect for wearing jeans and a sweater. I like this kind of weather, it makes me want to go for a walk, or maybe hike up to Doughnut Falls, or have a picnic. I'm excited for the time when I am done with school, finally home, and get to go on adventures in the Fall. I showed my buddy Mara Jill's pictures from Snowbird and her response was, "Oh. My. God. That is beautiful! I HAVE to come visit you in Utah now!!" I was like, "Um, yeah, when I said I miss the mountains I wasn't making it up."

Nothing exciting is happening as of late.

Putting off Philosophy

Lack of weekend pictures = I was home!!

Flew home on Friday night, went to see Flogging Molly, slept till noon and woke up in Drew's arms on Saturday, went to dinner, saw Matt Jill Rachel and Brian, saw Brandon Jase and Tank, got a "talking to" from my dad, sat around the airport watching my flights be delayed longer and longer, and got back to school on Sunday to find I HAD MAIL!!


Not just any mail either. That pink slip of paper means I have a PACKAGE, which is probably the most exciting thing that happens to me while I am away getting myself a education. Even beyond all that, I just got a package from my parents last week so I know this package can't be from them. I don't know of anyone else who sends me stuff, and I didn't order anything, so I can only come to the conclusion that this is indeed a mystery package.




My parents are having a very hard time accepting the fact that I am somewhere in the middle of the shift between being Steve and Peggy's Daughter and becoming Michelle the Physical Therapist/Athletic Trainer/Adult/Andrew Owens's Wife. They keep saying that they know I'm 19 and Drew means a lot to me but it's not ok to spend so much time with him or sleep over at his house, bla bla bla. I tend to ignore this speech, because A) I would probably listen if they could be adult and confrontational about it and B) I did not come home to see my parents, I went home to spend as much time as humanly possible with my boyfriend and to see the Flogging Molly concert.
I wonder just how much of a nasty shock it would be to them (and going to be if the topic ever comes up) to know that Drew and I would be engaged -if not already living together- if I had decided to stay in the state and go to the University of Utah instead of Marquette. Probably even well on our way to being married this upcoming summer even.

I do honestly wish the relationship I had with my parents was better. I think there are things we could all do to improve that, but the personality of my family makes it nearly impossible to do so. We never really talk in my family, mostly because no one ever has anything to say. We also have a tendency not to express feelings in my house, I'm not sure why, which makes it hard for me to explain how strongly I care for Drew. But growing up with that kind of mindset left my family non-confrontational and with a tendency to not discuss important things, such as the daughter's relationship. The opinion my parents have of the man I am in love with causes my opinion of them to be lowered greatly. So much so, that there are days, weeks, months, at a time where I truly believe that there will be a point in time were I no longer talk to them. This makes me sad, for as much as I do not like my parents most of the time, they are still my mom and dad, and I still love them. I also actually do LIKE the extended family that comes with; my cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents. I would like my children to have grandparents on their mom's side of the family, and I would like my parents to have a part in my kids' lives. But there are days when I really wonder if that will even be possible, and then there are the days where the thought doesn't even bother me.

How very unfortunate.

Also I've decided to be a cave woman 3 days a week. There's all sorts of unhealthy things avaliable all the time at school, and if I do want to get down to 135 I need to stop eating ice cream for lunch.

Annndddd.... I need to do Philosophy.

Domestic

I made myself a chocolate-banana protein shake for dinner, and now I'm doing the dishes. Woot.

In 3 hours and 46 minutes I will know if I can take an earlier flight home tomorrow.

2 Days

After the other day's break-down I thought it would be good to remind myself of this:



This and other posters like it are hanging up in the Health Sciences building. They are actually only for students preparing to take the GRE to get into medical school, which I don't have to do, but I thought it was pretty cool they used the name Michelle.

Today marks two and a half years that Drew and I have been together. I look forward to two and a half more, and all the years after that. :)

Today all the sophomores on campus got the Marquette Tenant Guide in the mail. It's basically 100 pages of how to stop living in the dorms and start living in a house or an apartment, what to look for when renting, and about 200 places to rent that are within walking distance to campus and students have a tendency to flock to. At first I was excited, because it was like a "How to be an Adult in 100 Pages or Less!!" kind of thing. Then I actually started looking through it and I'm starting to worry again. PLEASE let me get into the Campus Town apartments next year! I don't want to deal with a landlord and playing utilities and getting furniture yet!
If worrying was a degree, I'd have a P.h.D already. If worrying was a career, I'd be promoted every other day, and be CEO in a month.

I COME HOME ON FRIDAY!!!

3 days.

LUNCH!


It seems my cold is getting worse, not better as I had hoped. Now my question is do I go back to sleep for an hour, skip class, and go to the training room; or do I go to class and leave after half an hour to get to the training room on time for the Cheer/Dance team physicals?

Seasons

*Note: This entry is one giant bitch-fest. Please proceed with caution.

Autumn is slowly creeping up on Milwaukee as well. One day last week I walked out of my dorm and looked at the trees on Wisconsin Ave. and thought to myself, "When the fuck did this happen?! And why isn't anyone doing anything about it?!" Fall used to be my favorite month, for it meant football games, changing leaves, cute sweaters, Halloween, hot chocolate, Thanksgiving, and upcoming CHRISTMAS!! Since moving to Milwaukee however, Fall has taken a dive, losing only to winter, which I've found to be miserable in the Mid-West.

Now, as I get to read all my friend's excited posts about going to the State Fair (Not that I can be super jealous, as I've never been, so I don't even know if I would like it or not), their plans for Halloween and pumpkin carving, and the beauty of the crisp Utah air. For me, Fall brings a constant wetness to everything, they call it rain here, but the only thing that gets wet when you go outside is the bottoms of your pants, and the stuffy mustiness in the air, the lack of crunch in fallen leaves. It brings the necessity of wearing a bulky sweatshirt that seems to be in the way at ALL times. It brings the upcoming DOOM of winter.

And at the same time it's not like I can just give up Milwaukee and go home. I mean, I technically could drop out of college and do I-don't-know-what for the rest of my life, but that seems like an awfully big waste of the $36,000 we've put into my education thus far, not including the student loans (which luckily don't show up until 6 months after I graduate, perhaps I will just be a student forever). I choose to be here, and as miserable as I am sometimes, I only have to deal with this for 5 more years. If I drop out, I'll be disappointed in myself for the rest of my life.
It's just hard sometimes looking at all the pictures of midnight adventures, and Dennys runs, to hear of upcoming Vegas trips, California/Disneyland trips, and Haunted Forest plans, to miss out on EVERYTHING because I'm at school. I'm afraid no one's going to want to do these things by the time I'm done. Everyone's going to have kids and it's not like that is a bad thing, especially cause Drew and I are planning on getting married when I graduate, then waiting maybe a year before we start making people.

I'm just tired of missing out.
I'm mad that in the three years I've been with Drew for his birthday, I haven't been able to spend a single one with him, and it's going to be years before I get that chance.
I'm disappointed in myself for letting this bother me so much. It was my choice now I have to deal.
I'm sad I see my friends, family, and those I consider my new family less time out of the year than I do get to see them.

And I'm getting a cold. I did not agree to this. I've accepted I have a cold however, in hopes that I get knock it out before Friday.

OMG! A BRANCH!

It would seem that the rain Utah was getting over the past few days has made it to Milwaukee. Last week was around 80* and 70% (at least) humidity everyday, but this week greeted us with gray skies and wind in the morning, which lasted longer and longer into the day as the week went on. This leads to today's picture of a tree outside Schroeder Hall where I went to get dinner tonight. I meant to get a picture of the rain, but it was too dark and the drops too soft to get a good picture.

I went swimming with my roommate today, which was interesting, as I'm not really a fan of the water. However, I'm hoping to make it a more regular thing in the winter when it's too cold to run outside, as swimming is really very good for you. I just need to remember to get my goggles when I am home.

I also found some nice khaki's to wear in the training room this morning after I took the bus to Khols. Yay!

09/19/09

When I am feeling particularly stressed out and angry, I regress to my 15 year old self, who was angsty all the time. I dress how she would have liked to dress and wear all together too much eye liner and it makes me feel a little bit better about the day.


Also, I got my "stuff I forgot" package today from my mom. It usually includes a shirt or two, socks, underwear, and my water bottle. Then my mom, who is afraid I am starving, will cram my water bottle full of granola bars and fruit snacks, fill the empty spaces of the box with gum and Crystal Light To-Go, and hold everything down with a few bags of popcorn.
I LOVE getting care packages.

More Beatles recomendations from Drew.

I want you.
I want you so bad.
I want you.
I want you so bad, it's driving me mad.
It's driving me mad.

If I ever leave this world alive

If they do not play our song next Friday, I will be sad.

Am I done with class yet? No.

Drew told me to look this up cause it's one of his new favorite songs and it reminds him of me. I thought that was sweet. :)




My mom's nickname for me when I was little was "Michelle my bell[e]" I always thought she liked it cause it rhymed, but now I know why.

In honor of the VMA's...

There will be music all week!
(plus my camera batteries are dead)




PS. Skeet. Skeet. Skeet.

Home

Sunday Sunday Sunday

I took the bus to Mayfair Mall today, for I, like Matthew Mabey, am looking for work pants. Unfortunately for me, it seems that kahki pants are incredibly out of style right now, and if you know anything about anything, or happen be be anyone, you will NOT be seen in khakis. As an Athletic Training Student at Marquette University I am expected to wear khaki pants with a Marquette Athletics/[Team]/Sports Medicine shirt; cargo pants or shorts are also acceptable, but I can't find those either. (OK, I did find some at the Gap, but I am not spending $69.95 on a pair of pants, I'm a poor college student) Thus lies my problem. I have ONE pair of khaki pants, and one pair of cargo shorts (that are a bit on the small side - just goes to show I do need to lose about 10 pounds). I am in the training room almost every day and my shorts are going to be practical for about another month, meaning I need my one pair of pants to last the 14 days I go between loads of laundry.

I NEED MORE CLOTHES.

I hate coming to this conclusion because then that means I have to go shopping, which is one of my least favorite activities. My body consistently resides in between sizes in both the Juniors and Women's Departments, and my feet are technically a 7.75.

Looks like I will be hitting up Target and Shopko when I get home for Thanksgiving.

Also I'm listening to Lady Gaga's Poker Face and it makes me want to let Inside Michelle out and go clubbing. Inside Michelle is a SLUT, she's only allowed out around Drew. :s

Got Moose?

I do.

I got about 9 hours of sleep last night and after I post this I'm going to take a nap. I don't think I'm physically tired, just mentally. I am so stressed and so worried about:
~Where I'm going to live next year.
~Where I'm going to get furniture for where I live next year.
~How I'm going to not starve next year.
~How I'm going to get 160 hours in the training room for my ATTR class when I've only got 13 weeks to go and I have 4.5 hours because the women's basketball team (to which I am assigned) only has practice when I'm in class, and the head trainer has yet to tell us if when they have practice on the weekends.
~How I'm going to get all the tape jobs checked off for said class if I'm never in the training room and not getting hours.
~How I'm going to get around next year, especially because I get assigned to a Milwaukee high school for their football program that is NOT going to be within walking distance.

I don't like not knowing things. It makes me feel inadequate.

Day Ten

Technically I'm 21 minutes posting this. Jill, I'm pretty sure you are the only person possibly reading this, and I assume you don't care anyway.

Tonight we went bowling. Both games I came from behind in the last two games to achieve stellar victory.

As today was 9/11 there were protests standing on the intersection of 16th St. and Wisconsin Ave. shouting to all of us catholic school kids that the attack was planned. They also were handing out their organization's newspaper, which I took for the crossword puzzle. One of the front page headlines was about how Mammograms are causing more harm than good. Apparently it's bad that more cases of breast-cancer are being found, because some of them are misdiagnosed, and those poor women waste a whole day of their lives undergoing blood work.
Bummer right? Especially for all the women who DO have breast cancer and find out due to getting a mammogram.

Absent Minded

I promise tomorrow I will have a picture of something other than what I can find on my desk.

I got to talk to Drew for more than a span of 2 minutes today. That was nice. :)

090909

Once again I come to find myself looking up from my homework to see that it's about two hours later than I though it was. The outside world is dark, and I have nothing interesting to take a picture of. So here is a picture of what was supposed to be me, but ended up being mostly the drapes of the window by my desk. I'm not too fond of the color, but there's nothing I can really do about that.

Pulp Fiction

I forgot to bring my camera with me every time I went out today, so here is the poster on the wall by my bed. "I want you to go in that bag, and find my wallet... it's the one that says... BAD MOTHER FUCKER."

Chicago

My roommate, Dallas's family decided that sense they did not come to Milwaukee and drop her off at the beginning of school, they were going to come up to Chicago for Labor day and she would take the train down to meet them. They were nice enough to invite my lucky self to tag along. So there were a lot of firsts for me this weekend: First time riding a real train, first time in a city with sky scrapers on more than two streets, first time on a subway, all the stuff that I have been denied growing up in Sandy and Draper, UT. It was very strange to see buildings as big as they were go on for so long. Even weirder to think whole families live in apartments right downtown; of course, Dallas's family (from Houston TX) thought it was weird that people don't live in downtown SLC and apartment building are usually only 3-5 stories tall.

Sunday was by far the coolest day there. First, we got up and went to the Museum of Science and Industry, which is huge. They had a whole floor dedicated to the German U-Boat 505 that we captured in WWII, which was pretty cool to see. There was also an exhibit on technology they are working on for the future, trains, baby chickens hatching, a genetics lab, space, a toy factory, and Colleen Moore's Fairy Castle. It's an 8'7''x8'2''x7'7'' enchanted castle doll house that this silent film actress started working on in the 30's. The Grand Ballroom chandelier is made completely out of diamonds and emeralds, and the chairs in the Prince's bedroom are made out of Platinum. It was pretty freaking sweet.
Oh, and there was the Harry Potter Exhibit, where they had a bunch of costumes and props (including everyone's wand and the Goblet of Fire) on display. I know actors are short, but I didn't realize they were as tiny as they are. 11 year old Harry would have come to somewhere between my elbow and shoulder, and my waist could have fit into Hermione's Yule Ball Gown MAYBE when I was about 10. Yes, I was totally geeking out the whole time I was in the exhibit.
THEN!!! We went to see Blue Man Group. Which was epic, and awesome, and fun, and hilarious, and pretty much the coolest thing I've seen in a long time. [except my boyfriend, but he's automatically my favorite]

Umm.... Pictures?
One for each day I was gone of course.

Thursday

An unfortunately far-way, blury, and small picture of O-Fest out on Central Mall.
O-Fest is four hour time period where all the clubs, student organizations, fraternieties/sororities, groups, etc. on campus set up a table, try to get people to join, and give away free stuff. The Central Mall is the lawn in the middle of the academic half of campus. It is bordered by the library to the North, the Business building to the East, Lalumeire Language Hall to the South, and the Chemistry building to the West.
I signed up for updates on Club Running and the Blood Drives, then walked around for half an hour picking up all the free stuff people had to entice students to their table. I came away with a new cup that says Peer Health Educators on it, a guide to all the things to do and places to go in Milwaukee, an MUTV pen, a gold gel pen, and some candy.

Then we went to see the kids in the Improv Comedy club perform for an hour at the Annex, it was pretty funny.

Oh! And the best part of today:

I officially have a job!! I work in the training room from 7-9 am on Tuesday mornings. By work, I mean make sure all the towels are washed, make sure there's tape on all the tables, make sure everything looks how it should be, and do homework. I can give out ice and band-aids if people need them. Those two hours are my only set time, but my supervisor (Head women's volleyball ATC) said there would be lots of stuff that comes up that she's going to need help with, so hopefully I can get more hours that way. Either way, it's better than nothing.

Day Four

At first we thought we just had lame chairs, for they look like they should have wheels, they do not. Upon reflection I believe this is to stop us from having chair races up and down the hall, and to prevent people from trying to roll down the stairs drunk.
But then our RA showed us they come apart. Which I have found is pretty freaking badass, because now I can leave the seat under my bed if I feel like sitting in the room and still have something to sit on at my desk.

Speaking of drunk though, my neighbors are currently outside their room, trying to figure out how to get their door open. From what I can hear, all of their keys were replaced with other keys, which is apparently hilarious. I'm not sure if I should go help them or just sit here and laugh to myself.

Codependent

Thanks, Dad, for my stupid egg-shaped head and giant forehead. Thanks, Mom, for my Dracula hair-line. I'm not really sure to thank for my poochy-squirrel cheeks, perhaps my Grandma, but maybe her face just looks like it does cause she's 85.
My eyes are closed on purpose by the way. It's very hard for me to take a picture of myself where I don't have sad eyes.

As much as I dislike the general population, I have come to dread being alone. Perhaps it is because I actually like my roommate this year, but I get all sorts of lonely when Dallas is not around. I don't really know what's wrong with me.

I miss Mara living next door. Its kind of hard to poke my head into her room when she lives 3 blocks away and all people have to checked into the dorms if they don't actually live there.

I miss my boyfriend's hands. And his face. And him in general.