I'M AN ADULT -Andy Sanberg

I'm beginning to realize my excuse of being "too young" is starting to get... well... old.

Because the fact of it is that I'm no longer too young.

One of my patients told me so last Thursday. He was the most adorable old man ever. Actually he asked if I was married, and then asked why not when I said that I was not. He laughed when I told him 20 was too young. He also said that Drew was the lucky one.
Two days before that, I was mistakenly assumed to be Drew's wife.

I've been pushing the things I want out of my mind for years now. I keep telling myself not to be silly and entertain the thoughts.
I tell myself all things in due time.
I tell myself things will happen when they happen.
I tell myself I will get it when I'm older.

I've generally held the opinion that my classmates who have had gotten married or had children already are out of their mind. That they are wasting their young adult life.
I comfort myself with the idea that taking that path myself would ruin everything. That I'm not ready.
That it's not in the cards for me.
That I'll be better off the way things are going.
That I'm not ready to be an adult, a wife, a dog owner.

But when responsible, mature, intelligent, and reasonable Kelly John and Andrew Jolly (yep, another one!) get engaged, it's suddenly thrown in my face that the way I'm keeping my thoughts at bay isn't exactly 100% true.
I admit to myself that I am responsible with money and finances, that I am driven and get things done, and that I am capable.
I realize (with a nasty shock mind you) that at almost 21, I AM in fact, old enough. Old enough to own a car as some of my friends do, pay rent like I do, hold a job and find an income like I do. That I am indeed an adult.
That only a few years ago I regarded this age as OLD. Well now I'm here.

It's interesting.

I'll allow myself to admit, just for an instant, that, after four years, maybe being engaged isn't something to brush off for a later time.
To admit that while I was overjoyed at the news that Rachel and Brian were engaged, I allowed myself to shed a tear or two of pure jealousy. Over the fact that they started dating, got the dogs, got the house, got engaged, will be married, and most likely having children AFTER Drew and I started dating yet BEFORE we can have any of that ourselves.
To admit that for years I've been making lists of what I want our house to be like. Making mental notes of colors I think would look good in our kitchen and in the bedrooms. Learning to cook and learning how to take care of myself so I can make sure I can take care of Drew and the family we will create one day.
To admit that for the past two years, through birthdays and Chirstmas and any other occasion where I am asked, "What do you want?" that the first thing that comes to my mind is a ring. That the image of Drew down on one knee asking me to spend the rest of our lives together flashes through my mind before I tell him that if he really must get me something a movie or text book would be fine.
To admit that I thought it might happen in Montana, in Disneyland, in Hawaii.


But I know that no one follows the same path, and there are no rules that define the miles stones of relationships and when they have to happen.
So I just go back to smiling and saying, "All things in due time."