I'm sitting in my parent's basement, computer on my lap, watching a marathon of 16 and Pregnant.

Living the dream.

Actually this show makes me wonder just how stupid people can possibly be.
I mean.
My god.

What is wrong with people?

Someone needs to slap a bitch.

I can't decide if it's like a train wreck that I just can't look away from, or if I'm watching because it makes me feel better about myself.
I think mostly the later. It's nice to be reminded every now and then that by comparison, I'm not a total fuck up.

I seem to keep teetering back and forth between embracing my adulthood and clinging to my childhood.

-I interrupt this blog to let you all know that I've changed channels and I'm now watching House Hunters and a gay couple is featured. Wonderful. And the house is gorgeous. Oh my god and they have a son. Denmark is much cooler than America. AND THEY HAVE A HARLEQUIN GREAT DANE!-

Anyway.

I keep getting complemented at work about how mature I am, how with it I am, how I have such a set and determined plan. I keep getting told that people would have never guessed I was turning 21 in a few days, not 25 or 26.
I keep replying with sure, I know what I would like my life, I know what I want to be studying, I know where I would like to be going.
But I still feel like I am pretending.
That I'm not a real adult.
Even though, I know, by society's standards I am.
That if I wasn't going to school, or even if I was going to school at the University of Utah, I would be working more. Possibly enough to support myself, or if not myself, enough to contribute to Drew and I supporting ourselves. I know that I know how to take care of myself, I did it for a year without any major disasters.

But by the standards that I grew up with I'm not an adult. Not until I am done with school. I'm just not, no matter how capable I may be.
Instead of looking at it from the point that I know how to find a place to live, I have a job, I can cook, I know how to budget my money....
I just see the fact that I don't own my own car nor do I have to money for one, I don't have my own insurance, I know the definition of a stock but I don't know how to acquire them or what to do with them when I have them.

I keep saying things like, "when I'm an adult," and "real job," and Drew keeps getting mad and telling me to stop selling myself short. And I think I see his point. IF things were different, and IF I wasn't going to school in a different state, and IF I was able to work full time I could do it. I could be an adult.
But I am and I'm not and it's not. I don't work full time and I don't live here and things are how they are. And how things are now I'm not a real adult.

But I could be.
And it's weird. Cause adulthood was always so far off and it seemed like this state of being where you just know what the fuck is going on. But I'm finding out you just get better at dealing with things on the fly and acting like you are not as surprised as everyone else that is worked.

I think it's mostly I know all the things that I want, I just don't want them now. I want it to be the time I want them to happen but at the same time I want that time to take it's sweet time getting here.
Say that 5 times fast.