banana!

Um, yeah. I play with my food.

Waiting

Turns out my mystery package was from Jill!! Of course, everyone probably new that except me, but that's how these kinds of things usually go. So Jill, thank you so much for the pens, note cards, bowling game, candy, and note! It made my whole week. Beyond that, it was full of things I actually NEED and will actually USE; which is unlike the packages my mom sends me, which are full of lemonaid mix, even though I have never in my 19.4 years liked lemonaid.



The weather today was perfect for wearing jeans and a sweater. I like this kind of weather, it makes me want to go for a walk, or maybe hike up to Doughnut Falls, or have a picnic. I'm excited for the time when I am done with school, finally home, and get to go on adventures in the Fall. I showed my buddy Mara Jill's pictures from Snowbird and her response was, "Oh. My. God. That is beautiful! I HAVE to come visit you in Utah now!!" I was like, "Um, yeah, when I said I miss the mountains I wasn't making it up."

Nothing exciting is happening as of late.

Putting off Philosophy

Lack of weekend pictures = I was home!!

Flew home on Friday night, went to see Flogging Molly, slept till noon and woke up in Drew's arms on Saturday, went to dinner, saw Matt Jill Rachel and Brian, saw Brandon Jase and Tank, got a "talking to" from my dad, sat around the airport watching my flights be delayed longer and longer, and got back to school on Sunday to find I HAD MAIL!!


Not just any mail either. That pink slip of paper means I have a PACKAGE, which is probably the most exciting thing that happens to me while I am away getting myself a education. Even beyond all that, I just got a package from my parents last week so I know this package can't be from them. I don't know of anyone else who sends me stuff, and I didn't order anything, so I can only come to the conclusion that this is indeed a mystery package.




My parents are having a very hard time accepting the fact that I am somewhere in the middle of the shift between being Steve and Peggy's Daughter and becoming Michelle the Physical Therapist/Athletic Trainer/Adult/Andrew Owens's Wife. They keep saying that they know I'm 19 and Drew means a lot to me but it's not ok to spend so much time with him or sleep over at his house, bla bla bla. I tend to ignore this speech, because A) I would probably listen if they could be adult and confrontational about it and B) I did not come home to see my parents, I went home to spend as much time as humanly possible with my boyfriend and to see the Flogging Molly concert.
I wonder just how much of a nasty shock it would be to them (and going to be if the topic ever comes up) to know that Drew and I would be engaged -if not already living together- if I had decided to stay in the state and go to the University of Utah instead of Marquette. Probably even well on our way to being married this upcoming summer even.

I do honestly wish the relationship I had with my parents was better. I think there are things we could all do to improve that, but the personality of my family makes it nearly impossible to do so. We never really talk in my family, mostly because no one ever has anything to say. We also have a tendency not to express feelings in my house, I'm not sure why, which makes it hard for me to explain how strongly I care for Drew. But growing up with that kind of mindset left my family non-confrontational and with a tendency to not discuss important things, such as the daughter's relationship. The opinion my parents have of the man I am in love with causes my opinion of them to be lowered greatly. So much so, that there are days, weeks, months, at a time where I truly believe that there will be a point in time were I no longer talk to them. This makes me sad, for as much as I do not like my parents most of the time, they are still my mom and dad, and I still love them. I also actually do LIKE the extended family that comes with; my cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents. I would like my children to have grandparents on their mom's side of the family, and I would like my parents to have a part in my kids' lives. But there are days when I really wonder if that will even be possible, and then there are the days where the thought doesn't even bother me.

How very unfortunate.

Also I've decided to be a cave woman 3 days a week. There's all sorts of unhealthy things avaliable all the time at school, and if I do want to get down to 135 I need to stop eating ice cream for lunch.

Annndddd.... I need to do Philosophy.

Domestic

I made myself a chocolate-banana protein shake for dinner, and now I'm doing the dishes. Woot.

In 3 hours and 46 minutes I will know if I can take an earlier flight home tomorrow.

2 Days

After the other day's break-down I thought it would be good to remind myself of this:



This and other posters like it are hanging up in the Health Sciences building. They are actually only for students preparing to take the GRE to get into medical school, which I don't have to do, but I thought it was pretty cool they used the name Michelle.

Today marks two and a half years that Drew and I have been together. I look forward to two and a half more, and all the years after that. :)

Today all the sophomores on campus got the Marquette Tenant Guide in the mail. It's basically 100 pages of how to stop living in the dorms and start living in a house or an apartment, what to look for when renting, and about 200 places to rent that are within walking distance to campus and students have a tendency to flock to. At first I was excited, because it was like a "How to be an Adult in 100 Pages or Less!!" kind of thing. Then I actually started looking through it and I'm starting to worry again. PLEASE let me get into the Campus Town apartments next year! I don't want to deal with a landlord and playing utilities and getting furniture yet!
If worrying was a degree, I'd have a P.h.D already. If worrying was a career, I'd be promoted every other day, and be CEO in a month.

I COME HOME ON FRIDAY!!!

3 days.

LUNCH!


It seems my cold is getting worse, not better as I had hoped. Now my question is do I go back to sleep for an hour, skip class, and go to the training room; or do I go to class and leave after half an hour to get to the training room on time for the Cheer/Dance team physicals?

Seasons

*Note: This entry is one giant bitch-fest. Please proceed with caution.

Autumn is slowly creeping up on Milwaukee as well. One day last week I walked out of my dorm and looked at the trees on Wisconsin Ave. and thought to myself, "When the fuck did this happen?! And why isn't anyone doing anything about it?!" Fall used to be my favorite month, for it meant football games, changing leaves, cute sweaters, Halloween, hot chocolate, Thanksgiving, and upcoming CHRISTMAS!! Since moving to Milwaukee however, Fall has taken a dive, losing only to winter, which I've found to be miserable in the Mid-West.

Now, as I get to read all my friend's excited posts about going to the State Fair (Not that I can be super jealous, as I've never been, so I don't even know if I would like it or not), their plans for Halloween and pumpkin carving, and the beauty of the crisp Utah air. For me, Fall brings a constant wetness to everything, they call it rain here, but the only thing that gets wet when you go outside is the bottoms of your pants, and the stuffy mustiness in the air, the lack of crunch in fallen leaves. It brings the necessity of wearing a bulky sweatshirt that seems to be in the way at ALL times. It brings the upcoming DOOM of winter.

And at the same time it's not like I can just give up Milwaukee and go home. I mean, I technically could drop out of college and do I-don't-know-what for the rest of my life, but that seems like an awfully big waste of the $36,000 we've put into my education thus far, not including the student loans (which luckily don't show up until 6 months after I graduate, perhaps I will just be a student forever). I choose to be here, and as miserable as I am sometimes, I only have to deal with this for 5 more years. If I drop out, I'll be disappointed in myself for the rest of my life.
It's just hard sometimes looking at all the pictures of midnight adventures, and Dennys runs, to hear of upcoming Vegas trips, California/Disneyland trips, and Haunted Forest plans, to miss out on EVERYTHING because I'm at school. I'm afraid no one's going to want to do these things by the time I'm done. Everyone's going to have kids and it's not like that is a bad thing, especially cause Drew and I are planning on getting married when I graduate, then waiting maybe a year before we start making people.

I'm just tired of missing out.
I'm mad that in the three years I've been with Drew for his birthday, I haven't been able to spend a single one with him, and it's going to be years before I get that chance.
I'm disappointed in myself for letting this bother me so much. It was my choice now I have to deal.
I'm sad I see my friends, family, and those I consider my new family less time out of the year than I do get to see them.

And I'm getting a cold. I did not agree to this. I've accepted I have a cold however, in hopes that I get knock it out before Friday.